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Thank you so much Leed and Yellowted
As for this person, well I worked with them and dated them.... if you call that dating. Also they are more worthy of an education and want to go to uni ect. Not just that I would freak them out if they found out... I am not that bad a person but people sometimes mistake my nervousness and shifty actually anxiety/ panic ways of reacting.. I could never talk to him about things or explain myself and my behaviour, we never really connected.. It would be just dam awkward to bump into one another. He really is a nice and kind person but we were too similar in some respects and both wanted what we seek for within a person from one another, if that makes sense. So it didn’t work out because of that. He would also gossip between co workers... those co worker always rudely ask my family has she got a job yet... those type of co workers.
It always seems I am just that horrible person who in some ways always annoys or affects other people. Also I am older and in UK mostly school leavers take the classes I would be taking. Not just that they are probably more clever than me and have more purpose for being there.
I only want to go back to take the pressure off for ever hoping someone will employ me… not likely going to happen anytime soon. Also I need to work on my education and focusing on task this will productively help me. But once again it's one of those you should have done this 4 years ago and really I should be in my second year of uni. However I have been just stuck in a rut and really I am so stupid at the best of times. I honestly feel less clever now than when I left high school 4 years ago.
Also I am getting the worse anxiety now I have ever had so I give out bad vibes and react strangely. I would it seems just be a pain and cause more trouble, going by how I got this far and what’s happened so far. However is it so wrong of me to try?
I have this interview thing tomorrow so hopefully later in the day I can say how it went. Hopefully it will be the beginning of change for me.
Thank You very much Leed and Yellowted I wish you all the best and send you both hugs
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