My father died 3 years ago of cancer. he was sick for one year, I was 21 then.
Since then I´ve been having several psychological and psychosomatic
disorders, overlapping or after one another (anorexia, anxiety, panic, strong dizziness, hypochondria, depression, some obsessive compulsive behaviours, derealisation and depersonalisation). I actually "forgot" about my father right after he died and threw myself into other things but due to my psycholog.
difficulties it got more and more strenguous. At last I suffered from something like burn-out, I was panicy or aroused, nervous ALL the time, it was almost unbearable. Then I "collapsed" took 5 steps back and have been looking for psycho. help since then. I remembered only about 4 months ago that my father died and that this is actually a big thing. I still have trouble feeling that it really happened. I don´t. But i went to the cemetary once and then it hit me hard and the derealisation and depersonalisation were gone for a few hours, then it got cloudy again.
I´m feeling like when I truely really feel that it is true all the horrible things that happened, that i live in the same world where it happened, that i am still the same person who it happened to and who i was before, not someone detached to her past and detached from the world, I´ll feel a whole lot better and in control of me and my life.
Could this be PTSD?