Thank you everyone for posting your support. I feel so lost and sad right now. I want to cry but I feel like I don't have the privacy to do so right now. After I posted this message I took my 6yr old to a movie and called my T2 from the car and left her a voice message to call me back and I wanted to see about bringing my husband to my therapy appointment. When she called me back I was in the theater and I told her it was difficult to talk at the moment but I wanted to see about bringing Chris so we can talk about where I am at and where we are going. She agreed so my husband doesn't know it yet but I'm going to ask him to come with me to sit in on part of the appointment.

Earlier before I left for the movies my husband said all sorts of things:

Do you know how much this is costing us? What if we didn't have the money to pay for this then what would you do? Who decides when your done with therapy? Did your therapist tell you how long this treatment takes? (to which I told him I asked her and she can't give me a definite amount of time and I decide when I'm done with therapy). I bet you really enjoy therapy that's why you go.(to which I replied it's work do you think it's a blast?) Are you going to be in therapy with this T2 for years as well?

Most recently I told my husband I had talked about my dad and today he said "why are you talking about your dad?" haven't you talked about him already with T1 (mind you my dad just had his third stroke since December of last year and his life is a mess and he told me a few short months ago that he doesn't want to be bothered when I asked if he remembered the name of my abuser who was our neighbor when I was 5). I'm feeling so horrible right now. I feel so hurt and now I have to sit with these feelings tomorrow in front of my kids and 'fake it'. My husband is anxious about money in general even though he has no reason to. My husband 98% of the time is very supportive of my goals, wants and desires expect for when his anxiety rears it's ugly head. Then it feels like hell and I want to run and hide.

I feel like I reached out to him hoping to someday have him to 'replace' that closeness I feel with T2. Can my husband be my therapist? No! But I would love to have that level of 'emotional' closeness with him. I feel like I just got burned in a major way.

On the subject of marriage therapy I actually got him to go to one at the end of last year. We did really great and my marriage therapist recommended that I go back to therapy. That is what started the process of me looking for a new T and that's how I ended up with T2 my current therapist.

Oh and Sannah about 'not disagreeing with my husband'. I have no problems disagreeing with him in my head but I have a hard time voicing my disagreement in an adult way. It's like I turn into a 5yr old and I can barely think never mind talk when there's conflict.

When it comes to the finances I think a budget will help alleviate his worries. I am a stay at home mom/student and someday when both my boys are in school I will be working so that will help pay for things he may see as unnecessary like therapy.

Before I left for the theater he seemed to calm down a bit and told me he knows I'm angry with him and that he is only voicing his concerns. He said he's not telling me to quit therapy but that he just wants to know whats going on.

I'm about to put something out there that's really immature but will feel really good to say and I'm only sharing it on PC: "I'll tell you what's going on your an a55 hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"