Sorry for all you're going through. While I understand that you'd rather not depend on medications (I think ideally none of us would prefer it if we didn't need to take them)....I hope you will reconsider and at least give them a chance. When dealing with such a complex situation as depression....just my opinion....it is important to try everything that might possibly help, and many, many people find relief with one or more of the many options out there. And as regretful says, if you find a compassionate provider who is willing to work with you they may be more affordable than you're thinking. Maybe it's worth a try. Best of luck to you.....