A year ago I had a "nervous breakdown" that kicked my ***. I new pdoc prescribed "California Rocket Fuel" or Effexor and Remeron in combo. It was the best anti-depressant I have ever used.

Now I find the benefit is wearing off and I have begun to have excruciating vivid nightmares several night a week. My doc prescribed clonidine. It works about 75%. I am at max dosage of the rocket fuel.

It seems I am having a still mostly unconscious anxiety about depression returning, along with considerable fear related to my state a year ago, and to a near successful suicide attempt 20 years ago.

I am fearful, at times terrified, of the return of this serious condition.

My doc has referred me to the ECT clinic for a consultation.

Electroshock therapy. This scares me, too.

And the damn thing is I am not all that depressed at present.

So here I am typing away into the internets...