What you described would haunt me too. It might help to try to get more information on what exactly happened. It sounds like the medical procedures made your husband worse, not better, and those procedures were done by the doctors. Maybe try contacting your state health department to find out what your rights are in terms of disclosure. It might be hard to get but I think it would be worth trying, not only for your sake, but for your husband's sake too. and as the other posters have said, you have nothing at all to feel guilty about. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.