thank you for sharing your story. you've been through a lot and I'm glad you found PC. do you have a therapist? it's possible to have a therapist that won't want you on meds. also, really, how many meds have you tried? sometimes it takes a long, long time to find the right combo but when you do, it can make a world of difference. if you can hardly get out of bed that seems like a sign that meds might be a good option (even if you think they are b.s.).

is it possible for you to find friends and not have them around your husband? he seems to be gone a lot so it shouldn't be hard to find someone to hang out with.

hugs to you. and welcome!