Thank you for the warm welcomes.

I say hubby is usually right because, well, after six years time has shown he usually knows what he's talking about. I guess it's more of a joke then anything. And no, he's not abusive to me. Nathan has ADD/ADHD and a few behavior disorders. To me he's an absolute teddy bear! He's got the biggest heart and though we've had our words I know without a doubt that he'd never harm me in any way. So of course it frustrates me when others don't see/don't get to see his gooier side.

As far as Nathan being part of the problem, he's not perfect. I know that, and he knows that. But right now he's all that I have and I know I lean on him heavily for support while going through all of this. He's the reason I want to feel better. I know it sounds ****ed up, but I can't stand myself. I hate myself so much that there's no reason to feel better because I want it. I have to do it for him. He's my reason to find help. He's also the one cheering for me and holding me when I fall.

I'm not currently seeing a therapist. I've seen a few councilors but all in all I tend to have very bad experiences with them. As soon as my family doctor crap is straightened out I've promised hubby I'd find another one.

The problem with the medicine is one counters another with my depression and anxiety. Antidepressants make me extremely aggressive while things for my nerves overdose my body and make me freak out. Id much rather just say no to pills and what not and do this the old natural way.

And don't worry, I've bookmarked this site. I plan on coming back. Thank you guys ^.^