Well, at first when I mentioned to him that I may have spd, I get the feeling that he didn't want to believe it. He said all this about how psychologists weren't real scientists and all they did was stick labels on people and put them on medication that makes their life a nightmare of dependency. That's his opinion of such doctors. However, when I showed him some of my research, he suggested a counselor that he knows very well and is a member of our church (not a religious counselor, it's only his profession). I agreed because, yes, I do want help, but my experience with this guy was anything but helpful.
As far as the convincing him I was a rebellious pessimist, that was sort of my fault. Maybe I expected too much. I didn't tell him I thought I had spd because I didn't know how he would take my "self-diagnosis." I simply answered all his questions.
The thing about me and questions, though, and the reason I hate conversations, is the fact that I mess up my words. I can't ever say what I mean because I'm always afraid of saying something wrong. I wasn't trying to come off as I did, but that's just the way it came out and just the way one question led to another and the more I tried, the more confused I got. Having to mask my frustration made it even worse. I don't know if that's what he wrote down at the end, but in any case he gave me a "homework" assignment on being optimistic. It was to find what bothered me and then justify it. Well, I tried, but found that I've always done that and it's one of the reasons I get frustrated with society.
I think I'm afraid of going into counseling for a couple reasons. First of all, it's a small community school and the faculty all know each other. My dad is on the faculty. Also, I'm a top student, honors program and everything. I don't want to spoil my reputation with something like this. To sum it up, I guess I'm not afraid, I'm just overly wary and expert at talking myself out of it each time I think about it. I tell myself I can handle it and maybe I can. It's only during times when it really hurts (at least twice a week on average), that I even consider going in and then I'm afraid to go. I don't know what to expect once I walk through that door and I need to know what to expect.
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Originally Posted by here today
OK, I’m not trying to pin you down but I’m a little confused. In your first post here you said that your dad didn’t believe in counseling or anything of the sort so you were trying to fix your problems on your own. It was my impression from that first post that you might like some help with your problems but you weren’t going to look for it yourself because you dad wouldn’t like it.
Have things gotten worse for you, so that your dad requested that you see the counselor? Was he a religious counselor? You said that you had convinced him that you are a rebellious young adult with pessimism issues. Again, I’m confused. Were you trying to convince him of that? Or do you just think that was the impression you gave. Do you know for sure – by something he said or maybe wrote down as a clinical impression – that that is what he thought about you?
If you are a young adult then, definitely, it is your choice about whether or not you want counseling, for what, and with whom.
The counseling center at your college sounds like a wonderful place to start. Forget the counselor that you went to because of your dad. That doesn’t count, if you went because your dad wanted you to. Do you have any idea why you are so terrified to go into the student counseling center?
That, actually, might be a good thing to talk to a counselor about, once you get in there!!! I’m serious. You wrote:
Those sound like the issues that YOU want to address. And, as a young adult, you have both the right and the responsibility to do that for yourself.
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