A difficult part of being borderline is seperating out who we are from what other people think we should be. When I first started on this journey I had no ego of my own. It has taken about 4 years but my therapist patiently help me discover who I am seperate from everyone one else. I discovered that I have different priorities then them and that it is ok. I now have a job. It started at minimum wage though I have gotten a few pay raises it still is close to minimum. It is a simple sales clerk job though I am ordering books now which is quite satisfying. When I first started working I was ashamed because it was such a silly job for such an intelligent person--a person with a 140 iq who could be anything she wanted to be it she would just apply herself--to have. Anyone can do my job. But as I let go of others ideas of what I should be and accepted what I needed to be happy and healthy I discovered the beauty of my job. So what if it just above minimum. I get out, I talk to people, I bring home a pay check. It is a small business run by a woman who cares about her imployees. My co-workers provide me with the chance to practice my socialization skills in a safe invironment. And I help people. We have people who come in who are in spiritual emergency who need just to talk, people who are in AA who feel good when someone celebrates their accomplishments, and people who have gone around the bend and need someone who will simply ask "is there anyone one I can call for you?" I feel like I have found a place of belonging. It took time and it scares the dickens out of me sometimes but I have found it.

I guess what I am saying is that once you are able to let go of what they think you should do or be you will be able to find out what it is that makes you happy. It is not an easy task for a borderline person to do but it is possible to create a life of beauty and self.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft