You didn't do anything wrong Blue. Part of the cycle of abuse for me when I was a child was blaming myself. Always trying to come up with new ways to avoid being punished. But it never worked That's how I tried to survive. To find a way out to find an answer to the abuse. We'll maybe next time if I do x instead of y my parents will be happy and I won't get punished. As children we are in the hands of our caregivers and there is nothing we can do about it other than tell someone.