Hi thanks guys, your words meant a lot. tonight is a particuarlly bad night because i got a call from my ex and hes not doing well, hes forgetting to take his meds, and hes just letting himself go. it was so painful to hear he isnt doing good, but i cant take care of him anymore, i have to take care of myself. i guess im just gonna stay in this limbo stage of grieving for the loss of our relationship, i know i just need to work through my emotions day by day and not rush it. but the lonleyness hurts so much.I do have really supportive parents, they already help me out with $ alot so i hate to ask for more help, im afraid they might not be able to afford it. but i applyed for a job and im going to apply for another one very soon, I'm proud of myself for jumping into looking for a job because for me working can be very hard for me because of the bipolar. Rose- im so sorry for your lose, your a strong lady for keeping on going. maybe you feel you cant move on because there are still emotions that you havent worked through yet. maybe you need to deal with those buried emotions before you can truley move on. I think in a way grieving is our minds way of feeling lose and healing at the same time. the process hurts but i dont think its one that should be rushed, i wish you all the best, hugs to you too thanks again guys for your kind words, they were a bright light in this still quiet night.