(((((((((mcl))))))))))
Blah, I'm SO sorry. I know you already went through one crappy termination....hopefully, this doesn't have to be another one. I know that my T and I had a LOT of "misses" over the years, but we were able to find our way back to each other.
What I do know for sure is that drinking or self-harming won't help. Reaching out here is good. Is there anything else that can help you stop your mind from spiraling out?? Watching a movie, reading a book, calling a friend??
Thinking of you.

