Quote:
Originally Posted by whatbeanbelieved
I'm losing it. I've been trying to write it out here for a while, and it's been really difficult to concentrate long enough to write, and when I can concentrate, I get bogged down by thoughts of how stupid I'm being. But I'm really pretty much on the verge of losing it. This is exactly how I felt before October last year, and I'm not sure I have the words to describe it. I feel ... distant? Like everything is really far away? Scared and helpless? The trigger this time seems to be a couple of really nasty fights with the boyfriend... in the last two nights. I'm just really wondering what to do. Going to see the T now. Just wanting some input, if anyone has any, about these moments where one feels like one is on the edge of breaking down?
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Hi ((((Bean)))) I hope you are feeling a teeny bit better today. Were you able to see your T? I can totally relate to what you are writing. I have felt on the verge, as well. I am actually right on the edge this week counting down the seconds until I see my new T.
(what is helping me to hang on is the reminder that it passes AND I have my friends on PC)
What stood out for me is how you are being so hard on yourself for having feelings
I am sooo incredibly hard on myself, so I think that is why it stood out for me. When I would start getting down on myself in T. my T would ask me, "What would you say to your best friend in this circumstance?"
In the beginning (especially or if I were really struggling), I would just sit there blankly because all I could do was think poorly of myself. I would literally say to her, "I cannot think of anything."
So, during one of those times, she took me by surprise. She asked me the question, and I drew a blank, and she said, "Would you say that to me?"
I immediately responded, "gosh, no!! I would never...I would say a...b...c" and it helped me a bit to see how hard I was being on myself.
Also, yes, I've felt distant and alone. Very distant. But I think that comes from intense feelings of fear (triggering things) so I retreated back into myself to regain myself and to ensure my safety. It may be too delicate, but just wondering if your arguments with your SO made you feel unsafe or unheard somehow?
Please let us know how you are doing. We care lots!
Hugs, Rose