Geez, I think that it would be great if you could work on feeling empowered around your husband when it comes to your needs. I had to work on my issues too that I had brought with me in my relationship with my husband. He really didn't have a clue how I was struggling and many of my assumptions about him were incorrect.

His anxiety might cause him to want you to be certain ways (to help him alleviate his anxiety) but you don't have to cooperate with that and I'll bet that your husband is more flexible with you then you think he is.

Remember that you brought all sorts of assumptions about your needs with you to the relationship (that your needs don't count) because of what you experienced while growing up. Your husband really doesn't have any clue with how you view this. My husband didn't and when I worked on it and asked for his help he was very cooperative. Early in my work I would get really angry at him and he would say "just ask me, I had no clue". My anger was because of my struggles with my needs. He really wasn't doing anything on purpose.