Oh my Friend....I am so very sorry about the depth of your suffering, and I wish so very much I had something new and helpful to say. I believe I have been where you are, with different details of course, and there are definitely days when I know ~feel I am heading back in that direction. I think it is only by the grace of God (or whoever) that I have not gone all the way back there as of yet. Maybe not quite that low, but low enough to remind me that I might, and that is a horrific concept to live with. I think your particular situation is complicated, because as long as you are not able to close down your business, then obviously this is a "given"....so I believe you must go back....once again to the Serenity Prayer, this time to "the courage to change the things I can". And before I say another word let me say this: I get it! When this demon is torturing you, you do not FEEL like you have any power to make any difference in ANYTHING....but you do. They might not all seem to make a difference, but then again just the act of trying is a positive thing, and may "register" on some level that you don't even recognize immediately. So I know you're seeing a therapist, can't remember if you're back on meds? So for what it's worth just a few thoughts. Don't know if they'll mean anything to you, but still. I mentioned to you the testing I had done to show the levels of serotonin and norepinephrine in my brain....might this be something you could ask a doctor ~about? If there are physical reasons adding to your state of being, wouldn't that be a good thing to know? (Plus if your levels are off, a good provider might be able to use this information to help prescribe meds and /or supplements that might help.) Otherwise, do you use "light therapy" at home. I know people who been helped by this. Okay, well I'll stop here for now. Warm wishes and hugs.....