I cant believe i let it get like this. I mean i do evrything for him. i lost contact with my family for him. fell in love with his family. and now i feel like the only way to make myself happy is to rip myself from the only people i have left. I dont even know if i could handle it. heck i cant handle it right now. i need a break but cant get one. im stuck... and the tears wont stop... im so hurt and tired of being controlled and mentaly abused. and he expexts to say sorry and expects everything to be ok. well im done wearing this mask. i want to quit but i know it will make him happy. Just pretend i tell myself. Just act it out. they will still love you... ... i need help but no money. The panic attacks are all the pain im alowed. i NEED more. SI is all i need. being married isnt what i expected it to be. if i could change anything... i would be 12 again change my whole life around... but miricles dont happen do they?? I cant take it any longer. trying seems so hard to even continue.. how do you try when your the only one putting forth effort??? How??!! Im posting to get this all off my chest. if there is anyone who can help with out telling me to leave that would be great. i just feel like im at my last rope. and it shreading at this very moment.