Hey there, Giabrina. Roadie here ... bipolar alcoholic, previously thought chronically depressed. I had electro-shock therapy recommended for me for years prior to the bipolar Dx, but I was always frightened by the idea of losing so much memory.

I'm so sorry to hear that you didn't benefit from the treatment. Is is three years later & you've been continuing to suffer all this time? Sure doesn't seem you have a pdoc very active in working on your behalf. What besides shock therapy and Risperadal have you tried? When pdoc added Risperadal, what was the plan? i.e., you're to wait how long to expect a change?

My pdoc is my BFF when it comes to my meds and designing a plan for keeping a rein on mood swings in my bipolar disfunction. He and I keep a close relationship with my medical doctor and therapist. We're a team, but I consider pdoc and me the Bosom Buddies who set the pace for over-all team issues. When you say you're not sure what not sure what you can do to help yourself, I say: Develop a first-rate working relationship with your pdoc.

Don't ever settle for a doctor or a med that's "good enough." Expect and hold out for the best you can get.

Please realize that if you are heading back down towards the path of another breakdown, there's no reason from what you've said here to assume that you're at fault. Use the opportunity, though, to consider a greater expectation of everyone on your team--including you.