Wow republic5, I am in almost the same postion as you. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4yrs 3 weeks ago. he started using again and i relized i couldnt save him so i let him go. I just started to go back to AA meetings. I havent been to one in 3.5 yrs even though i have 5yrs. I feel the same exact way you do about meetings and the poeple there. poeple think im doing well and there glad im back but i am so incredibly lonley and i feel like i cant relate to these poeple at all.I dont know what to say to them, i dont know how to be myself.the only person i could be myself with was my ex and hes gone.I'm trying to build friendships but its hard. I only have a few girls to talk to, i dont have any other friends. when im in a meeting i feel like i'm miles away from the whole group. everyone there has established friend ships and they all have so much to talk about with eachother, and im just standing there wanting to run out of there as fast as i can. I understand how alone you feel, i understand how much it hurts to grieve for the lose of a relationship. I think its AMAZING that you didnt go back out when your girlfriend left. I think you are a lot stronger than you think you are. Its totaly normal to be feeling the things you are feeling because you are new to recovery, after 5yrs of bieng sober i feel the same way you do. I encourage you to keep doing what your doing. you doing alll the right things. if you cant get away from the thoughts going on in your mind, thats ok, just keep working the program, like they say, it will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. and i think that we will both find that if we keep working the program we'll get to know poeple and build friendships, i think we will also loose all of the negitive thinking that goes on in our heads and we will change so much for the better. I wish you all the best, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers, hang on and i'll hang on with you.