Wikid, I can relate. My mom is very similar. When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, she suddenly had a lump in her breast that she was SURE was breast cancer. She just HAD to go in for a mammogram. On the day that he had a heart attack and a two major strokes as a result of his first chemo treatment, she insisted that I HAD to take to the mammogram while an ambulance took my dad to the hospital and we weren't sure if he was going to live through the day. I refused and told her I knew this was very inconvenient and stressful for her, but we were just going to reschedule. When my dad was incredibly ill (he died the next week), she 'fell' and was unable to respond at all. When I arrived, she was completely 'unresponsive' just like dad said, but when I went to step over her, she suddenly 'came to' to tell me not to step on her glasses. Do you watch the Biggest Loser? You know those women who go on that show? My mom is bigger than some of those women, but she was upset with me that I could not get her to her feet without having my husband help me.

So, really long story to say I can relate, right? And you're not going to like to hear what I have to say next. After my dad's death, my mom made it clear she was going to stand by (or sit because she's too freaking lazy to stand) and let my younger sister and her husband steal from me and be verbally abusive. So I made the decision with my T's help that I was not going to be the mother any longer. I told her what my expectations were for the relationship in terms of treating me and my children with respect. She has made it clear that she cannot treat me or my children with any kind of normal treatment. So, I no longer go to see my mother. I will not go and help her. I let all of her calls go to voice mail and then I listen to my voice mail to see if it's really something that is an emergency. If it isn't, I don't call back until the next day.

Don't answer the phone. That is far and away the simplest solution. Especially since it's a residential program. Perhaps you could tell your mother that the treatment program does not allow you to take your cell phone. And then tell the treatment providers that you do not wish to accept phone calls from your mother and have the calls screened out. Programs around here won't even ALLOW direct calls with family members for the first several days at least.

Good luck!