I know exactly how you felt my bed for me is the only place I feel safe. I too have suicidal thoughts but the only thing that stops me from doing it is my partner and children I couldn't do that to them it would mess them up for their whole lives and as pathetic as I am I do try very hard to be a good mum and hide my illness from them as much as I possibly can. I pray the meds work for both of us and soon the depression will ease up a bit. I'm hoping I,ll have a hypomanic episode so I can actually DO things and take the burden of the housework, cooking, shopping etc off my partner I don't know what I'd do without him. I know its a horrible thing to say and I pray you get better soon but its such a relief to meet people who feel the same.