((unhappy guy))

In my humble opinion, a lot of what you're picking up on is probably a lot lighter than your dark tinted lenses make it appear. But, when we feel crummy about ourselves and our lives, we don't see things clearly.

Have you looked into county assistance with mental health care? I used that service for 3 years when I fought panic disorder. The fees were determined by a sliding scale. Without that service, I certainly wouldn't have been able to afford to see a psych. I highly recommend that you look into assistance that your county provides!

Your last T's remark about you having little to build upon certainly didn't mean that you're a loser doomed to a life of misery. What he/she probably meant to get across to you was that they can see how you struggled to build a healthy relationship with your parents ~ because the necessary lower safeties weren't built. I can relate to that as well. My sense of trust and safety wasn't well-built by my family ~ kind of a shoddy slap up the sticks and cover them with paint job. Know what I mean?

It takes time to work through these things and move beyond them. Personally, I always recommend exercise to relieve the stress that comes with intense anxiety and feelings of self-hate. I always listen to music on my walks, to take my mind out of myself completely. That's what helps relieve my stress levels and depression ~ getting out of my mind!

Gentle hugs sent to you ~ take care!!