My parents, or at least my mom, are extreme helicopter parents, and it can be crippling, and even lethal. Out of the six of us, three never managed to get out. Of the other three, one sister was let out because she is just like mom and is messing up her own kids just as badly. The other two of us had to fight for our lives, rather literally. I'm the oldest, and every step towards living my own life was a major battle. As a child, I wasn't allowed to get involved in activities that I was interested in - I could only do the things that she wanted me to do, which was church programs only, and even those were questioned when I was a teenager and they started to involve more independence. I even got to the point where I gave up and didn't ask because I knew it would make my mother too anxious, and I missed out on a lot. She sabotaged me on my first attempt to choose a university - I was accepted but she made sure it was financially impossible so that I had to live with them another year. My second year, I found a way to leave, and she thought I shouldn't because she said she had a bad feeling about it. Once I broke free, there was almost no communication between us for years.

My brother hasn't had to fight quite so hard, but he lived near my parents after he was married, and was aware that they kept driving by his house constantly to see what he was doing. I advocated for him to be allowed to do sports and things, and he got to do some. He wanted to do body building as a teen, and he found a way to start by using bags of groceries as weights.

Two sisters are still at home and still dependent, and people admire my parents for taking care of their adult children. Only one of my sisters has a disability. The other one was not allowed to learn to drive, and was brainwashed into believing she can't earn her own income or live on her own. My other brother is dead. He was schizophrenic, and as a teenager he had a lot of trouble with social functioning at school, etc. Later on, as a young adult, he started wanting to finish school, go to college, look for a job, etc. Mom was worried that he would over-exert, so she told me she got his medication increased to stop him from trying those things. He eventually killed himself. He was hopeless about ever being able to do anything with his life.

I used to think that my parents were the only ones like that, and mine are pretty extreme, but I see other parents doing the same things. I have a neighbor who really triggers me, as I see her hovering over her children, protecting them. They are great kids, and responsible, and respectful and obedient - teenagers and one almost teenage now. She has protected them against germs and allergens, and I'm sure they have a lot more health problems than they would have if they had been allowed to build up some immunity. She is already making rules about her kids concerning their homes when they grow up, such as she is finally allowing them to have pets but she said they can't have any animals when they grow up until their youngest children are at least seven, because of germs.

I think that with my own kids I have gone the opposite way, wanting them to have freedom and confidence and independence. I didn't know how to be involved and supportive and not take over, and also I had never learned how to be in charge of my own life. I'm afraid that I haven't been involved enough with my kids, but now I'm afraid that I'm intruding if I even call them or ask to see them (my youngest two are still teenagers and their dad moved them 4 hours away at Christmas time). Finding an appropriate balance is hard when you have never known balanced parenting.