I'm a teacher, so dealing with the helipcopter parent is just one of my many day to day activities. I'm also a parent (and I was even a kid at one point), so I've had the pleasure of learning different "types" of parenting from many points of view.

I see it on a continuum more than it being a either you are one or the other kind of parent. Some parents are very hands-offish. While that can foster independence in kids, the danger is that you might not step in when it is really needed leaving the kid feeling a bit abandoned and floundering at times. On the other extreme are the stereotypical helicopter parents who I see as fearing to let their kids play in the dirt for fear they will skin their knees. Can be a huge problem when kids internalize that no matter what goes wrong, my parents will fix it for me. Hopefully, we as parents, have the discernment to teach our children healthy independence yet know when support and guidance and intervention are really needed. Unfortunately, life has a way of happening and being who we are, we goof up from time to time and our children being the animals they are have long memories of our tactical errors.

When we are ill, distracted, stressed, overworked, financially strained, etc., etc., etc., our powers to make ALL the right decisions at ALL the right times are off and we make mistakes, usually minor, and as your son clearly demonstrates by who he is as an adult, they survive our mistakes (even if they don't completely forget them.)

I think sometimes you have to be a helicopter parent about certain things. For instance, as a teacher I have always tried to stay pretty hands off when it comes to my kids and their school business. It is awkward to have a parent who is a teacher breathing down your neck, so I have tried not to do that to my fellow teachers very consciously. However, my middle son has multiple disabilities that I have learned over time require me to do much more "helicoptering" than I am really comfortable with. But I've learned if I don't step in, some very important accommodations and interventions get ignored (these are legally mandated accommodations) by some people if I don't stay on their case. I don't like doing it. I'm not comfortable doing it, but if I don't, my son suffers the consequences of their neglect (and it really is educational neglect that I am talking about). So yes, in those cases, I just own my helicoptering because if I don't, things really do fall seriously apart.

I've seen parents really have to fight for their kids in some cases, and very justifiably so, and still be called helicopter parents which in those cases is entirely uncalledfor. I remember that a girl in my son's grade had a severe, deadly allergy to peanuts. Her parents, rightfully so, had to be pretty helicoptery about expecting the school to make the cafeteria (all those peanut butter sandwiches -- must have caused them literal nightmares when you think about it) and the rest of the school was physically safe for their daughter. Some people thought they were being unreasonable and that their daughter's needs were being put above their own child's need to eat a peanut butter sandwich , but what were they to do? They had to step in to be sure their daughter was not going to literally die at school. It really was a life or death situation. Some people just couldn't perceive that; maybe they were being the truly helicoptery parents?

Generally, the helicopter parents that truly are just annoying though are the ones that call demanding to know why their child received an 89 on that paper instead of a 92. Or, the ones who will drop everything, including leaving work, to go buy their child a lunch at a restaurant and deliver it to school instead of just letting their child deal with a few hours of hunger as a natural consequence of being forgetful about their lunch bag or their lunch money. Most things aren't truly a crisis, and a good parent knows and is able to step in during the true crisis and allow their kids to find ways to manage the age-appropriate manageable stuff on their own. Unfortunately so many parents haven't figured out which is truly which, and kids either are left on their own to manage things that really they need some support with or the parents step in where they need to step back so their kids can develop age/developmentally appropriate coping skills.