our lives put us in a position to recreate ourselves, piece by piece. time keeps moving, shifting things with distance. it sounds like you are searching for a new perspective, you ask good questions.

how can we see ourselves as strong when we can't stop the spinning in our heads, can't sleep, can't get hold of anyting.... it is all pain and painful memories and seems like a bottomless snake pit with no handholds to grab onto to climb out.

No easy answers from this old girl. Time, work, friends, therapy, meds, committment, adding new good memories to the banks, focusing on what you can do and doing it....... I have recently realized that every aspect of every thing I do has been examined and screened and consciously added to my routine: I am nothing but a mass of coping programming. I have to be aware of 'taking care of myself at all times so I dont go past my (always ready to bite me) limitations.......

we each heal in our own ways in our own time. you'll figure it out and find your way and one day notice your guts aren't crawling and in that quiet maybe you will feel your "strong". best.