Had an interesting discussion with T today about the roles our parents are supposed to play in our life's. Talked about how the father is supposed to be the wrench that gently levers you away from the early intense mother & baby relationship. How we then unconsciously negotiate the realisation that neither parent can be our sexual partner. Unconsciously I repeat.

I said I don't know how the relationship with my step mother can described as. It was diffinately broken. She was like a Russian Doll that was smashed to smitherins. My dad was able to give me some of the nurturing I should have got from my mother & yes I realise as an adult I was sexually attracted to men who reminded me of my dad.

I then said, how wierd are we as humanbeings that we get confused with parents & sex. T said well as young children we begin to practice "flirting",with our fathers. It's what we as humanbeings do.

We talked about how when I first started therapy I talked about my sexual orientation confusion. Brought about by the breakdown of the mother/baby relationship I had and the having to rely on my father for that nuturing. I can see how all these yes with T the negotiating that fact she cannot be my sexual partner has been in going on in the unconscious too. But her being a healthy role model this time I should negotiate it better.