A lot of this is coming from a conversation I had with T1. He has told me that I am in good shape to be facing this [unwanted] end to my therapy. He told me that I am a success story and that I am very capable. He says I am not one of the people he will worry about after he has to stop seeing everyone. (He was very quick to add that it did not mean that he doesn't care about me.) When I tried to talk in the next session about how that comment hurt my feelings, he tried to explain by saying that he had patients who were sui, didn't have a place to live, etc. Those people are getting dropped too.

In the interest of full disclosure, I did not explain myself very well. I did not tell him the comment hurt my feelings. Instead I said it was an awful thing for him to say & that people on this board don't even like to SEE their T's other patients yet there mine is, comparing me to his in my session.

I am taking it to mean that he is determining I am less worthy of help, but I don't think I have managed to communicate to him that it is hurting me this way. I told him not to say that to anyone else. I MEANT that it was hurtful and I didn't want him to hurt any of his other clients, but he said something about how I wanted to be special. WAY OFF TRACK.

I feel greedy for seeking out another T. Maybe I don't need more help. HOWEVER, I have a tendency to think everyone else needs help and that I should somehow be able to figure everything out on my own.

T1 did finally say at the end that it may be his 25 years in community mental health that is making him biased when he thinks I am doing so great. He is a good T but he is being forced into dropping all his clients. I'm wondering how that is affecting him. I know he's not happy with the changes, he has made that clear.

T2 seemed to think I needed help. But he doesn't know me as well. It's confusing me. I am not good at asking for help. I am AWFUL at asking for help.