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. The question is, how can I engage fully in meaningful work (and relationships?) yet avoid feeling trapped.

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That part alone resonates. The relationship part doesn't, necessarily, or at least not in the same way. In relationships in the past, I haven't been as respectful of my own needs as I should have been, but I have been much better lately. But I enjoy being in relationships, and I am very happy in my current one, and am very comfortable committing to someone.

But with jobs, I have a sort of oppositional/combative relationship, in my mind. It's like, if I allow myself to do my job, I take the risk of doing things that are unethical or a "waste of time." That's how it feels, anyway. I was the same way in school. These things feel like they could be symptoms of ADD, and I'm reading more about ADD now. So feel free to explore that as a cause. I should mention that last fall, I took a course at University that I loved, and I was on ADD medication at the time, too. It all makes me want to go back to school and go for a Ph D and research theoretical topics. That sounds great to me.

Thanks
Sean