(((Rose))),

You had a genuine down moment and you were frustrated. It is ok to come and vent things out. I thought about how you were feeling and I could so identify. And as I said, I drove around doing errands and thinking.

I find that with PTSD these moments come where it just feels like other people around are enemies somehow. And I can relate to spinning in thought back to many times when invalidations took place and there was a genuine concern.

I don't really understand "why" that shift happens. I too also get to a point where I seem to say the same thing you are saying here and I feel guilty for how much I had reacted. And that is the work too that I am talking about. The work of "reacting" and then afterwards having to wonder why "all the defensive reacting".

Please don't feel bad about expressing your sense of frustration and when you do react. I think it important to just write it out to be honest. And then you have a living journal that you can revisit and rethink things over.

I noticed this about PTSD and it is important to "see it" so you can consciously be more aware of it and consciously work on it.

I think that the healing is also in being able to voice these "struggles" because often what I have noticed is that it goes back to being invalidated somehow as I mentioned. And if we can be with others that can "validate us", it helps us to find ways to "move on and ahead" somehow finally getting validated.

Rose, you have to remember something about PTSD and recovery work through it. There are stages to PTSD and as we are healing and moving forward, it is up and down petty much "most" of the time we are healing. This is something I have talked to my T about a lot. And he keeps telling me not to worry and that I am still making progress.

And, in fact my husband has been talking to a man who heads up a program that focuses on PTSD treatment. ( I think I mentioned this before) And this man also has been telling my husband to be patient because while it may look like I am making progress, I can still sink again and it will be up and down for a while yet and he has to be patient with me. Actually the fact that my husband knows this man and sees him frequently is a god scent to me, answer to my prayers. It is hard enough for someone who is struggling with PTSD to understand it, never mind trying to explain it so that people who do not have it around them can understand.

Rose, you have come quiet a way now and you just have to realize that these reactions can still happen and each time you just have to be patient with yourself and work through them. And yes, sometimes it can feel embarassing that you had a big reaction after you calm down and think it through. And it IS frustrating, but just keep being patient.

Hey you do not have to feel embarassed here, we have it so we know what you are feeling here. Just come and talk about whatever comes out and forget about being embarassed ok? That is what a support group is here for and we all need to know that we can just talk things out like this.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes