I know this is me getting things off my chest but here it goes.

Basically, I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now with this guy named Johnny and for the most part, things had been going fairly well until the start of this year. Now, he had a job working for an entertainment company and a side job at the fair, both of which consumed some time but nonetheless were reasonable.

A few things I've noticed this year has been the amount of time that we get to see each has gone way down. I'm lucky if I can get once every three weeks. Let's see, well the sex that was once there hasn't happened in 6 months either, and that's surprising coming from somebody who could never quit and would always initiate. When I ask him why, I get a "I'm just not a sexual person." ... Bunch a bull. He had made some plans for a night of fun with me, knowing it's been awhile. Then he bails out on the plans and doesn't tell me until later that night. I called him seeing if we were still on and tried to plan that into my day ... good luck making plans with him, seems like a common failure 9 out of 10 times.

I'm not sure what exactly is going on but I do know he is bipolar and at times he tends to have one of those "depressed and I want to be alone" days. That didn't really bother me too much, but I almost feel like he has more than just that and I really do want to leave him, I just find it hard to realize that at once the love way there. And now I just find it hard to carry a smile around him. I'll explain more ...

There's times when I'm driving the car to go to the mall or to the store and he's micro managing my driving in a paranoid fashion. If the speed limit is 40 and I'm going 41, he's threatening to put the car in Neutral! And then all the cars behind me suddenly turn into police cars according to him. Then he yells at me and 2 minutes later he'll apologize. That doesn't strike me as bipolar, more like insanity ... But you can imagine that's hard to deal with. However, until last week, I never in my life had this problem with him.

What else? Well, these false accusations of me sleeping with his ex boyfriend. I guess that tops the bill. He even tells me at times that he's missing the ex. Of course, I would say something like "it's 2 years now that you've had me" but it's not like that changes anything. It almost leaves wondering if he's more worried the ex sleeping with someone else (me). I don't even talk to his ex to begin with, but I guess that doesn't matter even if I post it on a billboard.

Ah well, sorry I talked so much. I'm pretty much in the stage of wanting to let go. I just find myself stuck at times. I can go a week of cold turkey with him and after that, a part of me is curious to talk to him. I should slap myself for trying that ... but how does someone go from being alright to complete monster? But when he's high, it's somewhat normal again and then there's "I love you" and "I want to marry you" and the occassional gibrish I adored.