I cant even imagine the pain your going through, I am so sorry. If you feel you dont want to live your life for yourself, maybe live your life for paul. i bet he would want you to keep on going, im not saying dont feel depressed or hurt because i think you need to grieve, i think you need to feel the hurt. but at the same time know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. you will be in my thoughts and prayers, i wish you all the best