yes I can understand what you are saying.. I know some of where you are coming from..
My deperssion has never been as bad as yours, but you sound like you are on the right foot, and seem to be headed in the correct direction..

You have came to a wonderful place, for peple to talk to and understand you, and who will be able to care, and help greive with you, and also be able to understand some of the same things you are going through in your life.

Good luck..
I am around some of the time. ok..


<font color=blue>
Darkness all around
Darkness is my freind
I will let it overtake me this time
Cause I no longer belong....