I think I have both and a bit of dissassociation, but I dont feel like me - whatever me is. I woke up this morning feeling like I wasnt me at all. I typically feel like Im not me, but there usually is a spark at least, of me there, but there wasnt today. I really felt like someone else. People tell me to have positive thoughts and an attitude of gratitude which I do try to maintain, but today showed me that I really felt like I didnt know the person looking back at me. I dont feel connected to my mind, body, soul or spirit and that whoever Ive become is not the real me. The real me was possibly destroyed a long time ago. Ok, Im grateful to be alive and its really weird, and if I said anything then I would be labelled a looney, and I tell myself constantly that I have mental health problems, and this part of it, so put up and shut up. If I think about it and I dont want too, then I start my OCD thinking which isnt good. Im not sure what to think as it feels like any individuality or independent thought is conforming to something that Im not. I said to a friend of mine, that not all that is in the dark is evil but there is evil in the light. I meant that there are people who are considered wicked sinners (she's a christian) that do good things but not by being a goody two shoes, and there are people filled with light who are such hypocrites, that they make the so called sinners like saints. I think my personality is so fragmented that I really dont know what is in my mind. Anyone have any advice.
mala