rolan, I agree that you're really wanting something special, which was another reason why I don't think you should just go out and find the first willing woman. Our society seems to emphasize sex so much these days, which doesn't help. TV show after TV show makes such a big deal about it.
A 20-year-old virgin is not anything bad. And not abnormal or wrong. I think it's something to be proud of in this day and age.

Mind you, as an old married lady , I can't say I haven't found sex special. I am glad that I waited--and my husband did, too. It meant a great deal to me to have a man who had waited, and we could learn together.

I know that men think more about sex than women. But there are other aspects to life, too. I just don't want you to get on the slippery slope of having to find more and more new sexual things to satisfy you. Having a great sex life in marriage is what I think is the most satisfying. You get to know the person well and can practice what gives pleasure--and it's done out of a sense of love and sharing. Not just two bodies rubbing against each other.

Again, I encourage you to talk to a professional about it. I don't think you're particularly abnormal at the moment, but I am concerned about your future happiness. I can tell that you are miserable now, and you need an expert to offer you help and advice, IMHO. I speak as the mother of males about your age and therefore from the heart. Call me old-fashioned if you will, but I do know what I am talking about.

Also, if need be, a professional can help you with any issues about meeting women who are decent and establishing a healthy relationship with them. In the meantime, don't worry about being a virgin. Lots of young men tend to brag about things they really haven't done, anyway. If it bothers you, then you can just not let on about your "status."

Hugging a pillow can help, I think!