Now I've read in books that say for instance "the movement inward", or to look into oneself to try and discover how to improve as a human being is an unhelpful or unfrutiful way of going about things. I've tried relentlessly to analyze my way out of my situation for instance, yesterday I came to the conclusion that I want people to like me, and I am constantly seeking the approval of others. I don't know if it was that well-thought out, but I sensed that was my issue. Now that may seem fine and dandy on the surface, but really as has been proven in my case over and over to look inside oneself to try and discover the truth never works.

Every attempt I make to change goes nowhere, so I say, why change? Now change is good I'd say, but trying to fix yourself by way of appealing to yourself is still unhelpful. What I need is self-acceptance. That the way I am now is the way I should be, and no different. No matter how I feel about myself I need to adjust to that fact that I'm ok, and this is me.

Now I always tread this line which is didn't it take introspection, atleast a little bit to discover that. I'd say yes, but still I believe that analysis is mostly unhelpful. Why, because in analysis I feel it is often my prerogative to try and correct something, to make it better, to fix it. Perhaps finally it has dawned one me, there is nothing to fix.

Now I haven't really reached the point where I want to say change ain't gone happen. Perhaps if I keep pursuing my anti-analytical perpsective on self improvement I'll somehow learn more about myself, but I'm a work in progress. Perhaps I had to try and work so blindly toward trying to better myself through consistent critique to get to the point where it registered that nothing is happening.

I would say stop trying to fix yourself, and try to be yourself. Just try it out for a little while and see where it takes you.

I read a great quotation the other day that went something like this: every movement inward is a (delusory) flight from the truth. Truth or authenticity (aka "who you are") is never found by looking inside, but it may involve reflection. "Who you are" is not about discovering what you are already, but becoming something by acting in the world and in turn being acted upon.

Now that's a lot of jazz, but the jist of it is you're not going to become any better or escape your own self loathing by trying to make sense of your experience, at least not initially from what I understand. This is getting long winded, that's it. What do ya'll think?