Hey, thanks for bein so welcoming guys, it certainly is appreciated. I must admit it does make you feel good to express emotions and let people know the truth, it seems all i do is lie to people about things, or hide the truth, im almost ashamed of the fact i was abused. wheres the justice in that. it doesnt effect me now to the extent it used to, i feel alot more free as i said before but theres still that element of secrecy that you feel you have to keep.
It is comforting to know you guys are here, my councillor recommended this site to me, as i said, im on a 4 week leave from councillin so she thought it would be a good idea for me to come on here, and i will thank her wen i see her next cos i did feel better last night after telling my story.
I had some disturbing news today which didnt help things. back in may it was my mums 5th year anniversary of her death, well i found out today that my cousin, who i used to be close to (and who was close to my mum) went to my mums grave on the day and poured alcohol (beer and vodka) on her grave and said "have this one on me" knowing full well my mum died because of alcohol. And when i confronted my cousin about it this evening she admitted it and laughed at me saying she thought it was a good idea and couldnt understand why i was so upset, and wen i said the least she could do is apologise, she said "no, why should i, i havent done anything wrong" which im sure you guys can understand, hurt alot. im feelin really offended tonight because that was my mums grave and it hurts to know that my cousin went there with the intention to pour alcohol on the grave of someone who was an alcoholic, and she did it for a laugh to show off in front of her mates. i told her i dont want anythin to do with her anymore and shes not welcome in my house, or my life. thats the way i want it to be.

That said, i would like to take this opportunity to say that i am a fantastic listener and i always have time for people who need a shoulder to cry on, as i no how it feels to need a friend at times. so i would like to say that if anyone wants a chat with me about their worries even though i have a few of my own, i will always be here to listen and to hopefully cast some advice. i am sometimes complimented for my ability to be a great friend and a great listener, and i really dont mind doing that here, because at the end of the day, thats why we are here, to help eachother through times of trouble.

Take care and i will speak soon