Sorry about that. The statistic shocked me too. I didn't want to believe it and still don't. I was a little upset when I wrote that post. Mostly because, my post was moderated.... I really didn't know if this was the right place to post or not. The moderators can move it if need be and I won't be offended. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Most of the research I have done, the sites have included a section for partners and family of BP. I figured this place was the same and just didn't realize where I was posting or how it could be taken. I was and have been in a bit of a crisis myself.

So far all of you have proven to be better communicators than he. I can't imagine him going to a message board and posting or reading all this kind of stuff, or taking the time to write a response. I'm posting on another board as well and hearing from people and it's very encouraging. I mean, not so much for my relationship. Just in general. I mean, it does sounds like his communication issues are seperate from bipolar. Though I have read a lot about anger and sensitivity that seems consistent with my experience of him.

It seems like he could have handled all of this a lot differently and we could have been successful. I am learning that bipolar is really not to blame for a lot of what I experienced with him and the age of 45 he should probably have a better handle on a lot of these things. My guess is that his mother has enabled him a bit to continue on more destructive paths.

He is not a bad person and has some great qualities. But he definitley made a mistake by not opening up to me sooner and telling lies (or half truths).

I am still in love with him which is why I entitled this 'processing the breakup' I don't know exactly what I want I just know that I need to move forward in the best way possible. With knowledge, understanding, forgiveness of both of us and a plan for what to do if he does contact me or how to improve myself for next time (sure I'm probably not as awful as he thought...it might take me awhile to truly believe this...more likely I'm a bit codependent so I'll move forward with the support group even if now it sounds like no fun at all).

Yes, I think I was looking for some validation that I did the right thing by leaving. In some way if all his behaviors could be explained by this illness I might feel bad that I didn't try harder or modify myself more. If he needs to be more accountable then it sounds like I did the right thing even if my delivery was less than perfect.

I don't really need that validation to move on with my life. But I know I'm too sad and lonley this weekend to do much of anything else anyway except try to process what just happened. The end came as a shock to me because we had planned for such a wonderful night. That was only 3 days ago. It would have been easier if my hopes hadn't kept getting crushed. And obviously I do fear there could be a repeat since it's happened before. I think I'm trying to really avoid it. Honestly, I'd even feel better ifwe just broke up for a longer time so I could know there was some space in there to make actual life improvements. I know that can't be done over night.

But knowing about the other girl makes it hard for me to enviosion any kind of reconcilliation no matter the love I feel.

I do know my life will be better without the drama. I do know I will miss him just the same, and hopefully I'll eventually find someone better for me but it's always an unknown. Love doesn't come around easily for all of us.