"Sorry for the long post and thank you all so much for posting." quote geez

geez, I picked this out because I notice some members do this and it is important to be able to look at this and think about what it means to us personally.

This is your thread, it is ok to talk about "what you are learning" and how "you can identify with whatever symptoms are connected to cPTSD. And your post was not long, it was informative and admitting what you do see in yourself that you may not have recognized on this level before.

At one time you talked about how you began to see a pathway to a "new healthier you" and you were worried if your relationships with others would allow for and thrive when you really work on, "being heard", "wanting things for yourself and partaking in what "you" want to do in life".

Up until this point you "got along" with others by just "giving in and of yourself" and when you did that you found ways to surpress yourself and your own needs to a point that at times, you developed a "non feeling" for your own emotions and sense of allowing yourself to actually "develope yourself".

When the therapist talked about patients with cPTSD needing "years" of therapy, part of that is devoted to "learning" how to truely grow past the ways you surpress yourself and take on "whole heartedly and consciously" inner permission to enjoy your "own" life and desires.

I pointed this one sentence out because it is this sentence that you have to learn how to "not say", "feel a need to say", leave out and yet "feel it inside". What you need to pay attention to in your healing is "when this type of feeling takes place in you" a feeling like you are doing something wrong by "expressing yourself" somehow.

You have to practice allowing yourself to express "yourself" and "your feelings" to a point where you are ok with it and are not just forcing yourself to do it, but you actually feel ok about adding "you" and "your needs and opinions" into an interaction or relationship with others.

You have to learn to see the "submissive" patterns of behavior in yourself and practice on a real conscious level how to finally "feel okay" with changing that.

And you need to know geez, that many people struggle with this "win" and "lose" kind of psychie. Up until this point in your life the quickest way for you to avoid the constant battle that many people "need" to experience in "their" need to "win"has just been to give in so that there is a sense of calm and safety.

This is what many children learn when they grow up in a disfunctional environment. And a child can develope ways to "shut out their own needs and emotions" just to be able to co-exist in different environments, even in schools or places where they can experience "bullying" from other human beings.

This one sentence geez, says a lot. And by paying attention to these details that represent "you" and "how you dismiss your needs" and getting yourself to a point where you truely do not feel that way. That is what your recovery is all about.

It is important to understand geez that "everyone" has a certain amount of disfunction to them because of this "need to win" that is engrained in them from early childhood. You DID recognize that from an early point in your life and your answer was to just "give in" and "be passive". We live in a world of people that are passive/agressive and do not know how to be assertive and be able to walk away or engage in interactions with others where they can be assertive and "know psychologically and emotionally, that they have the right to do so. So yes, the test will always come up and present itself when we interact with others. So what that means is that when we learn to "express ourselves and our needs" we will be challenged and deal with the emotions from our past that were acustomed to "denying one's self". Understanding that many people can only interact by expressing passive to a certain extent and then becoming agressive and never understand how to just be assertive and be ok with that emotionally is important. If you find your way to learn how "not to allow that to effect YOU emotionally, then you truely do gain "inner peace".

Yes, it can take a long time to sort this out emotionally when we grow up in a disfunctional environment.

Open Eyes