I don't know where to post this, so I am just starting the thread here, since I have been kinda a frequent lurker here.

My ex wants the kids (10 and 7) to know why we got divorced. That I am the one who wanted it. That at the time, I didn't feel like a mom (I either had a postpartum issue, or was going through a weird manic phase...i don't remember a lot from those years) anyway, I was avoiding home, going out and drinking while he was home with the kids, and even cheated on him.

Yes I was NOT the type of mom who deserved kids, I loved them but definitely didn't show it correctly. So I gave him custody without a fight. Now it is like 5 years later, and I have been in the kids life for the past 3. We have joint custody now, and I realize what an EPIC FOOL and horrible person I was. I have worked very hard to change, and if I could go back to whoever I was long ago, I would kick her in the head and snap her out of the selfishness. Anyway, he wants the kids to know everything because my son is going through this phase where he thinks that it is daddy's fault, and that daddy is the enemy, even though that is not true, and I never talk badly about their dad to them.

So the ex wants him to know the truth. The fact is, I don't think that it would benefit the kids, but hurt them. I don't even care how crappy it makes me look, I just worry about their mental well being. They don't need the dirty laundry details. (and believe you me my ex was NOT without fault, very controlling, emotionally abusive, tried to get phyical a couple of times) What do I do? He brought this up all yesterday which is totally adding to my depression. Nothing to stop him from telling them either. I am extremely triggered, and feel as helpless and beat down I was when he was controlling my life. He is trying to do it again.

Any advice is appreciated, I am soooo sorry to have wasted time by posting here, but I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. I need help. Thank you