Hi (((V))),

It sounds like you have calmed down a little today. I can't blame you for being upset either.

I forget where you live now, I thought for some reason that you lived in the states, Arizona maybe?

I was thinking about you because I was checking a party request for reptiles etc. and I do not do that in my own entertainment business. But it would be something that perhaps "you" could think about doing, depending on where you live and how many children are around. Usually young boys love to have reptiles/even spiders brought to their parties and the person who entertains with these reptiles brings the reptiles and stands and talks about each reptile/insect and the children can take turns touching or holding the ones that are "not" poisenous or harmful.

It isn't about your love of children, it is about sharing what "you" love "with" children.
And when you do that you can also share your enthusiasm and that is what children love. That would get you out in the world V and that is where you end up meeting people and slowly working towards meeting someone that "can" appreciate you. Many parties have families there and that is when you can meet others around children that may prove to end up being a friend down the road.

V, I am going to be honest with you. I am terrified of spiders and I don't picture myself hold a taranchila anytime soon. And I would wonder if I met you when you would want me to do that.

However, I do respect people that have a passion, because I have a passion as well.
I don't dislike insects or reptiles, but I am a normal woman and I do fear them.

The other thing I was thinking about is that it may be good for you to try to find an Asberger's support group where you may be able to meet others that also struggle with Asbergers and find it difficult to make friends. I thought about that V because my grand nephew is also struggling in school with making "any" friends and he too feels lonely and down. In fact my niece really struggled with him this year because he was suicidal and he is only 8 years old. So I do understand you when you talk about struggling with self esteem.

V, people tend to shy away from those who have Asbergers simply because they just don't understand it. If I went around talking about my PTSD before I met people, they would also hesitate because most people don't understand PTSD either. Most people shy away from things they don't understand, and often that is because they don't have enough confidence in themselves to feel confident spending time with someone who may have a challenge.

And V, when my daughter was in grammer school, she had to spend time in special ed because she has dislexia. Well, the other children picked on her because of that and it DID effect her confidence. Luckily I was right there and filled that gap with horses and her riding so that kept her busy and around other girls that also had that interest too. But she still dealt with some razzing because of her dislexia. And my daughter did not lack in intellectual ability, she just had to learn differently. There again V, there were children that avoided my daughter simply because they didn't understand dislexia, all they knew is that it was something different and so they tended to avoid her.

In fact V, while I was raising my daughter I was a brownie leader. I wanted to help my daughter have friends. And I worked hard at it. But I came to realize that my husband was a binge alcoholic and because I shared that with my coleader ( I was frightened and did not know very much about it and needed support) that co leader began to see me as "different" and "not acceptable" and all the girls mothers in my troop took their girls out of my troop and my daughter lost all her friends. Talk about LOW SELF ESTEEM?, wanting a friend?, Oh believe me, I could relate to that strong sense of loss and lonliness.

So, I had to find others "like" me V in order to have "someone" to at least "share with" and "not feel so alone". And my daughter had two marks against her, one was the dislexia and the other was losing friends and not understanding "why". And I didn't really know how to explain it to her because at the time she was only 6 years old. AND, the one way I could get other little girls to come over and play with my daughter? I had two cute, nice ponies that ALL LITTLE GIRLS JUST LOVE TO BE AROUND. But I also had to listen to the other little girls tell my daughter that they could come and play with her and her ponies, but they could not show they were her friend at school or on the school bus. And it broke my heart to hear my daughter say that it was ok if that happened.

V, my little ponies became very important to me. They gave me a path to helping myself AND my daughter in some VERY "lonely" and difficult times. And I did finally make "some" friends. But mostly I worked very hard building my business so that my daughter could be kept very busy in learning to ride and compete with ponies and horses. And my daughter dealt with this struggle with friends etc right through high school. V, she is a beautiful girl too, so it is not all about looks when it comes to having self esteem or friends either.

Well, I really worked my butt of so my daughter could have a real quality horse. Her riding abilty did not come easy to her, she worked very hard at it. And this horse was not easy to ride, but she worked very hard at training him. And I worked very hard building my business so she could have that. She had to work hard in college too, as while she was intelligent, she did learn differently. And she had just graduated and got a good job and her horse was finally at the point after all that hard work where he was winning and doing really well. And I watched my daughter really happy, all excited because she finally got to a point where she could show her horse at really big shows and he WAS winning. All of it got destroyed by my negligent neigbor and his not fixing his broken fence system so his dog came over and ran all my horses and ponies at night while I was sleeping. My daughters horse was crippled and could no longer show and jump.

Now I have PTSD and none of my friends get it, so I don't really HAVE friends right now. I feel like I just fell into a huge hole all over again. And the ponies I used to do my business also got distroyed. I have been trying to manage with what I have left.

I came here for friends too V. Although I still do some of my business but only a fraction. Even my own daughter doesn't understand what I have and was angry with me, angry at life too because she lost so very much herself.

My next step is to find a "live" support group where I can be with people that share this thing no one understands called PTSD.

So, my advice to you is to try to find a support group and what about maybe having a small business where you can take your passion on the road and share it?

Open Eyes