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So sorry....do you have a therapist you can talk too? I hope so...if not you really need to find someone to talk too. They can help you find out why you are so non-trusting and needy. My daughter who is 43 married the love of her life last week. They both had serious trust issues and did go to counseling separately and together for a year. They made it!
Sounds like you have been hurt a lot in your life.Therapy can help you get back the trust you need to make a relationship work. It will be hard work but you can do it. Please find someone to help you. You already know you have a problem and as they say, that's half the battle!!
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Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper 
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