I am having a really really hard time trying to get people to understand what I'm trying to say, so please, please be patient with me and please, please don't get frustrated. I just get in these modes where I can't communicate correctly and everyone gets confused, but I still need to get things off my chest.

I have this team of all these caseworkers and stuff and they are the blind leading the blind. All of them have so many issues. I told my mom the other day "If I know their issues, there's an issue". And I do. I started spouting off all their issues to my mom, and my mom who is a counselor was worried why I know all this stuff. Well I am very hypervigilent, but they have also told me straight up about it.

They keep telling me all these plans for me, and then they back out of it. They'll say "Okay we're sending you back to Sheppard Prat" and then they'll turn around and tell me I'm not going and then turn around again and tell me I'm going then turn back around and say I am not. Nobody is on the same page and it frustrates me. And sometimes they get really upset and just spout off stuff without consulting the rest of the team about it, just to upset me or to try and manipulate me to do things their way.

The other day they said something that sort of upset me. They said that back in 2010 when I was working with their therapist that I went in the hospital two times while he was on vacation and that this meant that I couldn't hold it together without him, and I was obsessed with him.

The first time he went away I had serotonin syndrome and I went in a medical hospital... I couldn't really avoid that. It's not like I could be like "let me hold this off till when A gets home" Serotonin syndrome can kill you. The second time it happened I went in for a short stay at a psych hospital and I could see them drawing that conclusion there, but it was probably just a coincidence as there were many times he left that I stayed together fine. And in the end, after he left for good, I stayed together just fine. So it's like they were saying I can't survive without A. But A has like this weird complex. He told the entire team that I called him a sexual predator and I did no such thing, ever. He has this complex where he thinks that I am obsessed with him and it really bothers me, because nobody would ever believe me, because I'm just a measly patient. I didn't even bother saying anything when they told me that was their theory from two years ago. I just let it go. It's so frustrating to deal with these people.

But the reason I do it is because the psychiatrist is really good. He's probably the only psychiatrist in my area educated on dissociative disorders, unless I want to travel 1.5 hours and pay 300 up front, and get reimbursed maybe 1/3 of that.