bad feeling about this. if you can't be honest about your financial situation with him, should you be doing all this? it's not a trivial trip for you. it's not like he's paying for it. you wanna see trees, drive up to montecito. honestly, I am all for women's lib and equality - sister, I wrote the book - but I have had enough experience with reunions over the years that I would not invest this much in it. I keep hearing you make "i'm independent, it doesn't matter what his situation is" excuses for him. I am all too familiar with that stance. being in a r/s is about being vulnerable. who is this tough hamster-bamster? I don't believe her. I believe a smart gentle and caring h-b who had an H who wasn't the mate she deserved. you know the saying, think globally, but act l0cally. did you read scorpiosis's bit under r/s & communications? she met 25 online dates, only liked 3! but found a partner. it's do-able, but it's a job, not for the faint of heart. I rejoined mensa tonite, I don't even know if the local chapter is that active, but hopefully it's a filter. see you inspire me