Hey there AbandonmentIssues,

I am sorry to hear you are suffering through so much pain and confusion. Feelings of abandonment and betrayal are difficult to deal with especially since it's clear you still care very much for him. You made a promise to love each other and he has broken that promise. It hurts.

I commend you for having the courage to reach out and ask for help. Some would simply lapse into a depression and isolate themselves. Others might try to figure it out all on their own and eventually collapse under such a burden. You are wise to ask for help and I would encourage you to seek comfort from family and friends and perhaps even think about talking to a professional just to give you further advice.

What your husband has done is inexcusable. There is no good reason to abandon your family. He has made a decision and now you have to make your own decision. However, you are conflicted because none of this makes any sense and there is always the hope that he will realize the level of his stupidity and try to make amends. Some contemplate finalizing things and moving on and that might be the right decision depending on the full scope of the situation.

On the other hand, I do agree with some of the points Open Eyes brought up. From your description your husband doesn't sound like the typical jerk or abuser. He was working and going to school which shows a certain level of ambition and responsibility especially for someone so young. At one point he was excited about the prospect of starting a family with you so this gives me the impression that you were making important decisions together which is a good thing in a marriage. Yet there was an underlying unhappiness about him and he couldn't explain it. Again, your typical jerk or loser is more than happy to tell you why he hates the world so much and place blame on everyone and everything. He doesn't fit this description.

It sounds to me like he is frightened about the responsibilities and that is part of the reason why he left. He could also be struggling with a psychological malady that he doesn't understand. I had a close friend who literally went crazy when he found out that his wife was pregnant for the first time. He turned self-destructive and ended up in an institution for about a month. He was soon diagnosed with bipolar disorder. None of us could understand what was going on with him. His actions made no sense and I am talking about a guy who was very stable before all of this. He got meds and other help and his life returned to normal for the most part. Maybe this has nothing to do with your situation or maybe it's something to keep in mind. It's possible he does have something wrong with him and is unaware of it and that is something for HIM to get help with. I want to make it clear that that is not an excuse for what he did. It could be a sign of the beginning of a self-destructive cycle tho.

The one thing you should keep in mind at the very forefront of all of this is: this is NOT your fault. Whatever you do, do NOT blame yourself. You have shared your love with him and have been supportive and understanding. Take some time and make the best decision for you and your baby. He has opted out of the family so it is up to him to work his way back into your good graces if he ends up having a change of mind. Don't isolate yourself but surround yourself with people who will support you including this community.

Thanks for sharing and I hope things get better for you soon.