I am so sorry to hear about your relationship with your mother.

I would tell you that you are absolutely not something like a punishment. That is absurd, and very cruel to say. I don't know if you believe in God, but I would tell you that if you're here despite 99.9% effective rate of the pill (given proper use), He has a plan for you. And if you don't, I'd still say it.

As far as her, baring something like getting out, being tolerant of her goes a long way, and speaks highly of your maturity. Try to realize that you won't be with her forever. My aunt, rest her soul, was always fond of saying "This too shall pass." I would share that with you.

As far as smoking again, I'd tell you not to let her get you to that point. It takes a lot of effort to quit, and you've already done it once. Don't put yourself in a position to have to overcome that again.

When you said no help was available, who did you speak to? Have you tried speaking to your guidance counselor? Perhaps a trusted teacher? Family?

If there is anything I can do for you, my PM box is open. Take care, and know you're in my thoughts and prayers.