It is not a sudden, all at once, "totally" thing. I would look at how you help others, what they say and how you respond, etc. and try to reverse it? Deconstruct how other people do what you want to be able to do and try a few things you see.

I use to listen to my coworker talking on the phone to her mother and admire how she was kind and kept her cool, etc. I had met her mother and knew she was just as "difficult" as mine could be. So, I observed how my friend did it, what words she said, and then practiced it in different ways with my own mother.

It's all a learning experience. So, pretend you have your own little one-on-one classroom with yourself and think of something small that bothers you or something you are trying to make up your mind about and go to a friend and say, "Do you have a minute?" Starting small is the key. You don't graduate high school after the first grade?