I am just having trouble lately. I am not as depressed this week, luckily, but as the title indicates, I'm really uneasy and feeling restless today. I haven't been able to exercise much lately, so I know that's part of it, but some of it is therapy and the couples therapy my H and I have been doing.

Therapy last week centered on something really hard for me, as I posted about. Then in couples' therapy, my husband said some things about me that weren't true and then he and therapist kept talking so much that I could never address what he had to say. It's not the first time it's happened either. When H and I talked about it finally, he acknowledged it wasn't literally true, but said it 'felt' true, like that makes it okay somehow. Also, I talked to him about how hard I've worked in my own therapy to get better and he rolled his eyes at me. He does NOT think I'm better even though I'm no longer so suicidally depressed that I cannot even get out of bed. He said he just doesn't 'see' that I'm better or that I've worked hard to improve.

Not sure if I feel like punching someone in the face, or like going back to bed and staying there, or what. Maybe some vacillation between the two.

I want desperately to talk to my therapist and called him. Then I ignored the call when he called back. THEN I called him again and left a message, but said I didn't need to talk to him today because I can handle things until I see him tomorrow. THEN I decided I was just going to quit therapy because apparently it's not making me any better and it's actually making my marriage worse and I want to stay married AND I don't want to talk to T about what we talked about last week ever again. EVER.

So, apparently I want to talk to T constantly, but never see him again. And I want to punch someone in the face, from my bed with the covers over my head.