I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going for. I don't have any words that will do justice to the pain. I don't feel anyone can hear how desperate I am. I tell my therapist I need help to cope with the pain but all I hear over and over again is that I either 'just want to get rid of the pain' or that 'she is alongside me in it'. She doesn't get it at all! I cannot cope being so stuck inside myself any longer. I am genuinely really desperate. I need some relief from it.

I really don't know what to do. I was in such a bad place leaving therapy that I hurt my arm in the car before I drove home. I know she can't 'fix' it for me and really I don't expect her too as at this point I feel too hopeless that anyone can hear me enough to help...plus I don't know what would help me anymore. I'm so tired. I go to therapy week after week and I am exhausted from trying and seemingly getting nowhere. I go to my drs and there is nothing she can do to help...it isn't my brain that is not working right, it is me, my soul.

I want to self-destruct but I need to keep myself together. I have lots of things to do and that makes it all the harder because I can't smile but at the same time it will hopefully stop me going too far...

I feel that I am asking too much when I ask my therapist to help me. She is so kind and consistant and I do like her very much, but I need help to lessen the pain. All this provokes huge feelings of being a child and being left to cope with the pain. I needed help then and I need help now. Apparently I am doing things different being an adult and going to therapy and talking, but please can someone tell me a way to scream that I am not coping and need help NOW? ....I should talk to my parents about how bad this is but they aren't the professionals...besides what really can be offered to help? I've done it all....

I'm sorry this is such a disgusting splurge of desperation. I try so hard to keep going and I understand I need to go through the pain but how do I cope with it in the now? I am so sad.