((((V)))) what you wrote here in the beginning I could totally relate to! I have been stood up, I have been hurt/insulted by a "look", a cruel remark, a rude glance.
It's hard NOT to take these things to heart. I do understand. Very much. I took one thing to heart so much I am still recovering and it happened 2 years ago!

I don't know you personally, but I have read your posts here on PC, and I do NOT get the sense at all that you are unloveable! Nor do I get the sense that you or your situation is hopeless. (although, I KNOW! I KNOW! I know it feels like it is).

As I continued to read through the thread, and especially your second to last post, last 3 paragraphs...it reminded me of a dear family member. He is completely brilliant: He teaches at University: theoretical astrophysics.

He did not date for a very long time, and when he came to family functions he was rather quiet. He never shared much, but I always thought "poor guy. He is so brilliant. This chit chat...he must be bored too tears!"

My point! I'm getting to it...one famiy dinner, he showed up ... with a girl. It was the first time we'd heard of her. And seriously, they were like peas in a pod. I adored it. It was awesome. They even dressed the same! They met at university. She too was in the same specialty.

During dinner, they sat there politely, and made polite talk, and tried to join in on the more topical subjects that we all discuss, and again, all I could think was, "oh my gosh, they must be bored out of their minds! How nice / gracious of them to sit there and listen to our c**p!".

But then later, when the evening drew to a close, I thought, "I bet they are sitting in the car, laughing their **** off all the way home, discussing how incredibly boring the evening was!" (sort of like Sheldon from the my favorite television show "Bing Bang Theory").

So, my point, participate outside in the things that interest you. Go to photography shows and insect shows and museums! There will be people there that have the SAME interests. And simply in that, you WILL meet people. You will have something to talk about and you WILL connect! You could sit there and talk about bugs for hours and get totally immersed in the convo!

Do you see my point? I hope this helps a teeny bit. I do believe you care about yourself or you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be working so hard to reach out. You are wayyy far ahead of me, too, in that you are actually reaching out and trying to "date". I cannot imagine.

And you have hobbies and activities and things you love. Merge the two and I bet it will be brilliant and fun.

Please keep posting and let us know how it goes!

Rose