Nicole,

Try hard to focus on the here and now. This very second as you read this post. You need to take a few slow, deep breaths. Close your eyes if necessary. Imagine a place that brings you an enormous sense of peacefulness.

In the cornfields, hearing the wind ruffle the leaves and tassels. A dog softly barking off in the distance. The sunshine feels good. It's not hot, nor is it cold. It feels good. You hear orioles and cardinals chirping somewhat nearby ~ a relaxing chatter. The air smells good. It smells fresh and kind of sweet. Take that image as far as you want to take it. Like, walk down the dirt road, to a stream. The water initially feels cold, but it feels really good to step into! Etc...

Come up with images like these whenever you're feeling real overwhelmed with dark emotions. It will calm you down a bit. Write about how you felt & what you did to relieve those intense emotions. What else has worked for you? Talking with others? Calling your T? Making an appointment to see him/her sooner? Write these things down for you to refer to when you find yourself kicking again. You aren't doing nothing ~ you're trying hard. Maybe you just need to make a small change or two.

Gentle hugs to you Please try it!